Cold_wolf77 (cold_wolf77) wrote,


It's been a while since my last update... My mind and heart has been so twisted up inside. My life is like a Great White Shark, I have to keep swimming no matter what ; If I stop I will suffocate. This year started off so slowly, I lack reliable transportation, I took a semester off so I can work on my finances, in the early mornings I'am job hunting but I stay home on the computer job hunting some more. I would take up on something more fun, but I feel so compelled to keep going and with good reason. Even though I'm not living on the streets it does feel like the economy is crashing down upon me. Now I feel as though my move has come to a halt. Now I feel depressed, and anxious. Such emotions reminds me of a man who committed suicide due to feel inadequate about his position in life, which is frightens me. I know in my heart that I'am not suicidal, but I do find life without adventure to be a bore. Artistic portraits is suppose to be what keeps me from pulling my hair out, but I began to gradually neglect on my activities. I not only began to under mind my art, I also put life as a whole behind my brain. Socialization, working out, martial art training, even walking outside; I stopped doing everything that keeps me happy. I have become obsessive with acquiring a high paying job. I believe it's because I equate money to freedom; to buy my way out of living in the polluted city where I need money for food and move into the forest where my success is dictated by how much green is around and how much animals I can hunt
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