Cold_wolf77 (cold_wolf77) wrote,

Out with the old shell. Reuse the old shell

It's been a while since I left an entry. What can I say? Out with the old life. My yearness for new and interesting things keeps me on the move. One thing that has always kept me down, is my concern for my family and friends, as if im some kind of guardian to them. What nonsense. I'm a guy, I'll admit I like being needed. But I have to accept that these individual bodies, must fend for themselves as do I. My life will not revolve around their concern..... Eventually I intend to leave this state. To acquire land of my own. Might be a bit easier to just move to any African country and buy a piece of land. Who knows, maybe I'll find a land with jewels under it.

One thing about changes is I have got to stop giving my number to people I never talk to. I like getting into things and giving them a window to get involved. But one thing I finally see now, some friendships are meant to remain acquaintances. It doesn't quite bug me since I got my own life to live, but I cannot force change in others. Hell, a friend of mine been trying to hang with me but after a while he stopped trying. We didn't exactly have an interesting friendship and I was too enveloped in my own thing. An old friend of mine Sky, we use to be best friends as kids but we're distant now. I did try to reconnect, but some things change after so many years.

One wierd transition I've been making is how I'm slowly reversing back to my lightly thuggish lifestyle that I once had as a kid. I feel that hanging with bikers has changed my attitude towards life. I'm not one to join any gang, group or coloaition, but I'll admit, I probably wouldn't be above joining a biker gang. Got more exciting shit going on than crips or bloods.

Phones. Sometimes they work with me and against me. When it comes being social, it will remain against me. Or is it me not accepting the phone? My weirdness towards sociability often keeps me distant from others. Not so much that I'm denying their attention(sometimes). But more along the lines of not wanting to blow up someone's phone hoping they pick up or text. I'm simply not that kind of guy. If they need me then they'll reply eventually. If not then I assume they're not interested. There's a fine line between being spontaneously social and annoying. Some days, when people blow up my phone I just don't answer. It's pitiful but it's how I think.

I'm 27, the many things that once filled my life with wonder are beginning to fade. I'm almost starting to not care anymore. Not care where I end up, or if I die tomorrow. Sometimes in the morning I ponder when is the Lord going to take me away? Will he make it a secret that only my closest families will know? Really, I sometimes wonder if I nuclear bomb will finally drop and when the dust settles if I survive, ill pick myself up and disappear into the carnage, away from this land. Of course if my family was away from the country I would be more inclined.
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