Cold_wolf77 (cold_wolf77) wrote,
Cold_wolf77
cold_wolf77

Trying to adapt

I personally feel im one of those guys who is very enclosed by my sense of virtue and honor . In my past these values once dominated my life and i felt they define me and seperated me from the rest of the world. Now im wondering, whats the point? To keep myself from falling over the deep end? To give myself a better reason to be good than threats of burning in hell? Do these things even matter anymore? To me they do, but not as much as they use to. So far, common sense is what keeps me from doing anything stupid or what could be damaging for my present life and future. People around me are rather reckless but they dont care because being reckless makes you feel alive. Would life be more interesting if i just stop caring about the consequences of my actions and just go with whatever i want? It is within my nature as iam impulsive, but i never get off unscathed when i do something without a care. I also feel that i would be too respectful. I didnt believe there was any 9such thing when dealing people your comfortable with. But i knew because its also contradicting my nature as im kind of jerk. At this time, i now believe that i have tamed the fire within myself for the sake of my personal success. That the world wont like me for what my essence may be. Another contradiction as i claimed to not care what people think and yet i like being the center of attention. Im quite cold on the surface but i also love romance and touch. I still hate kissing unless im drunk perhaps. I use to like it despite my earlier entries but as you get older and stop seeing the world with rosy glasses you become more relunctant to be so intimate. I feel myself imploding because i do not act on my instincts but what my thoughts dictate
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